I never had a great childhood. I had no friends. Maybe there were, but only few. She made me an outcast to this world. I just want to ask you, Why? You've molded a person who you wanted to achieve all goals in life. But throught it, everything became tough. Everytime you see me doing nothing you say I'm nothing. But how come I became nothing if all you did was to tell me everything I should do to make everyone proud of me. But have you ever considered my happines? My safety? Oh yes.. You were always thinking of my safety not that line like "Are you okay?" the means of If I was okay or what but you were thinking what was I doing? Was I not thinking of them. 

Yes, All i did was to think of you. On how you will be very proud of me. All I thought was when I achive something you'll at least let me become myself and make me genuine.

You deprived me  my childhood. I didn't know anyone from our neighborhood aside from our few realtives there. I didn't play as much as Ordinary kids did. I was just inside the house, watching them. You thought I was contented and REALLY happy, but I was not, I thought you were trying to figure it out but I was wrong. You didn't care after all. 

Now I envy all of my co-teenagers. They experienced a FUN childhood unlike me. I guess I was too good to be true. But now, You made me transfer schools. I was happy with my old school. I belonged there, but you made me transfer to a public school. You didn't think about my feelings. The next thing i know.. Tada!! I'm already studying here with no one i know. 

I've graduated in elementary with honors. And now that I'm currently a 3rd year high school student, I'm a candidate for valedictorian. I thought all of these that I achieved was enough for you to not expect so much anymore. But i was wrong again.. 

I followed everything you said,,

Why?

Why do i feel like you don't care?

One day was enough for me to realize it.. 

I woke up and asked for breakfast. She said there was nothing to eat and it's my fault because i woke up late. It was quarter to 8 that time. 11:11 came and I was so hungry. My head already aches because of it. Lunch time , she didN't consider the fact that I was already starting to become weak because of eating nothing. I'm not a person with great immunity and i'm thin. I'm used with proper eating scheds. It's hard for my body to function with such state. There she goes with ger line "Tumulong ka na kasing mag-ayos ng kainan ah. Lagi ka nalang walang gingawa" 

Oh I also remembered her line that morning when I was only eating biscuits "Maglinis ka dto sa kwarto. Pati sala. Lagi ka nmang walang gingawa eh"

Lagi ka nalang walang ginagawa

That's what she thinks about me..

I didn't have a great/fun childhood or maybe the feelings of a kid

I was deprived with my school choice

And what hurts the most

Is

The

Fact

That

She

Doesn't

Care

I was talking with my sister through skype..

I was happy because she understands me

Everything I do..

I love her so much

And then she needed to say bye for a while. She needs to go to work already..

I took a nap

When I woke up, my stomach ached so bad with my head. I realized it was about me eating nothing for breakfast..

She came inside my room. 

"Ma ang sakit ng ulo ko" i was near to crying

I taught she'll come nearer to me and make kapa-kapa my forehead or ask if how do i feel

Then the words came from her mouth

"Yan kasi lagi ka lang nakahiga"

"Wala kang gingawa"

It hurts right?

"Ma gutom ako"

"May binili silang tinapay kumain ka dun. Kung gusto mo magkanin ka. May mga biscuit din dun"

Then she left my room..

What do you think?

I was hurt so badly. I cried after that scene..

Then another day came. And it seemed nothing at all. I didn't eat after that scene. I don't even wnat to see her

Another conversation

I am planning to study at Manila for college..

"Dito ka nalang sa probinsya"

She deprived me of my childhood, high school life and now college.

This time I'll fight for it. 

I'll fight for my right.

I'm only a 3rd year student but yes. I wanna go to college because of one reason, to let her realize what she did to me, and doing to me. When I'll leave her side, will she realize how i feel?

You may think that I'm OA or what but this is how I feel. 

I followed everything she said, but this time i'll disobey her if that's what it will take.

You raised me to make you proud and I guess that it's the missing ingredient for you to become proud.

I'll take the Entrance tests for those big schools: UP,ADMU,DLSU,UST ,SLU

And if I pass one of them you'll become proud, I hope so.. But i will not let anyone to be a circumstance for me going to any of thise schools. 

I love you mama

But I never felt you loving me back.

I hope everything I did was already enough. I wanted to be an athlete but you didn't bother to think about it. You said it was a disturbance for my studies.

I followed you but you never showed me that you cared and think about me like I did

I hope one day you'll realize everything

And I hope that it's one of these days..